Authority.

For everyone thinking that this is going to be really interesting: Maybe. For all the others thinking I have a problem with authority in general: Wrong. I respect authority. Best seen in the fact that I really want to become a police officer and therefore shall be respected as a person holding authority. Alas, as we know in germany that is rarely the case. However, I am getting off topic.

My problem with authority in this way is the fact that it is sometimes given to people without them earning it in any way or are actually able to be a respectfull person. Now it can be difficult to act as a person with authority but in certain positions in our world it is needed. Very needed.

As an example I am going to take my late work: There I had a lot of people standing above me, careerwise and were therefore in charge of me and telling me what to do. However, in some cases I am not even the only one wondering how some of them were set as persons in charge. Bosses. Why is he our boss, if he doesn't even really know what the hell we are doing here? Yep, a very common question in my late workplace.

Now, there is particular person I would like to address there. It's a woman, but that is not the problem. She was working in a different part of my work before and was later assigned as my boss with no knowledge of what we were doing exactly. And that woman is supposed to tell me how to do my job? Really? I will not even go so far to say that, in general, my respect for a person with authority has to earned. If you are not able to tell me "Shut up and do your job right" in the face, I will not respect that person. Regardless of their position on the paper.

There is another catch to my story of that woman. Later, I actually found out that her contract to work with us would not have been prolonged, if she had not applied for that assignment as my boss. So someone who was meant to be thrown out anyway is now boss in my former workplayer. Yep, that really happened.

See the problem? Authority is handed out like candy to persons who do not deserve or can handle it correctly... Actually, that is a good summary, I will end it with that.

'till next time.
Azure

Return.

Hello there. It has been quite some time now, has it not? Whether there will be someone to read this is up to the stars to tell, but I will happily continue writing, considering it is one of my mostly done hobbies. I really spent a lot of time writing, I even have two novels to write right now and it is fun as hell! There are so many ideas that I still want to put in them and if I think about it - they probably will not be finished untill 2017. It already took me three years to get where I am now, so it is not very unrealistic.

But back to business. I have been very busy during the time of not writing and there are many reasons. I am still as strong willed as ever, but I still lack the self-esteem to encounter women, which is what I have been workin on for a while now. Alas, that is not important. The most important thing is that all my trials to become a police officer are over. And I passed them all! Therefore, beginning on October 1st, my studies will continue. The bad thing about it being that I will have to move to another town and I really am not the person for a move to a different place.

However, I am still looking forward with my eyes wide open to see where humanity will go to continue their descend to hell. Since I am no angel myself, even though I love the image of that, there is a chance of me holden open the door in hell. Or I am gonna sit in purgatory. I propably should not have read the Divine Comedy, makes my picture of the afterlife very blurry.

Anything else happened? I am going to quit my job for my co-workers are such big jerks that I just can not stand to get along with them, even if it is just untill October. The reason? Will be mentioned in another post, which, of course, will be back on a 13th. Which one I do not know yet.

Fare thee well.
Azure

Nothing

Hi. This one is going to be short because I did not really prepare anything and had a rough day. It even made me wonder whether I would be able to write this or not. Alas, I could write about what made me have so little time today.

At this very day, the first test for becoming a policeman was set and I happily went there. First off was a test through the use of a computer to get the tasks etc. I was having way more fun doing that, than I should. It was like playing Professor Layton on a time limit - I was really having a blast doing that. Of course with an attitude like that, I passed that one. Yay!

Second was the sports test. 3000m in 14 minutes and 30 seconds. This gave me quite the hard time and I trained a lot for this. Luckily, even though my body is kinda weak, my mind is really, really strong. Therefore, it does not matter if I am tired and would actually not be able to run anymore - I just do it. So I passed this one, too.

That is it. Now I have to wait for the next time, in which I will be tested orally, which ist not as much fun as it sounds - I suck at oral exams.

We will be seeing how it will end. Until then, have a nice 30 days.

Greed.

Hi there. I bet you are asking yourself now: "Hey, he said he'll be posting on every 13th of the month! He did not keep his schedule so now we'll shun him forever! And ever!" Welp, as it turns out: I have a life. And mine said last week that a vacation is due - unfortunately up until the 14th of the month and yesterday was just a really bad day to write anything. Also I'm lazy. Topic ahead!

One might think that greed has always been present in my previous posts. And yes, I admit, it was. However, the greed of people deserves a short text for itself. Why, you ask? Because humans need MOAR!.... I am terribly sorry for that little outburst, it will not happen again. But let me actually begin.

As one of the seven deadly sins greed has always been on people's minds. Especially religious people who are greedy themselves by wanting money for any good deed they seem fit. Do you notice one thing? I hate religion. It can be used as any good excuse for a really, really dumb action. What will happen then? I do not know for I will never use that one.

So, now actually talking about greed itself: It is very self explainatory. People have stuff but want more. I am not going to draw the Africa-Card here, no worries. However I do not get how humans just can not sit back, relax and be content of the material objects they have. A house? Check. Food? Check. Money? Check. Free time? Check. Happiness? Non existent.

I can truly say that at the moment I am content with what I have but, humans being I am, I too want more. An own house (I live with my parents), a better job, my own family and a little bit more knowledge in japanese language. BUT - and this is important - I am working really hard for these aims. My version to ratify my greed, do not judge.

I saw one little picture which shows pretty clearly how it is nowadays, especially with kids: On the left there was a happy kid. It had a skateboard, a football, a basketball and even a N64! What else could he wish for? Now, on the left: A really angry kid, holding up an iPad and iPhone, having a big TV and all the current consoles shouting loudly "I need MORE! DUH!!!!111!"

Any objections? I did not think so.

Adios.
Azure

Biase

This is one of those aspects that I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate.... Sorry, I must have been stuck in a loop. Well, I really, really hate the fact of people being biased. It annoys me so much, especially lately I have had way too many examples for just this. Let it rip!

Why do people think that, just by seeing something or someone, they instantly know everything about that thing or person? Is it experience? No, that would actually work in many ways. Is it knowledge? Hell no, everyone who is actually biased can not be considered smart and therefore does not fit into the knowledge-part. It is because people listen to too much stuff around the city, on the streets, in a mall or the internet - oh, especially the internet.

I could write a whole book for dumb people on the internet, however, nobody would read it. Nobody wants to be called stupid... I think. But let us get to the case: Humans are gullible as hell. They hear something, they believe it. It will instantly be picked up as the truth and it is not like they are goind to try to find out whether it is true or just dumb shit that was talked about somewhere.

Since the internet is mostly anonymous, people like to hide. And because people can hide, they show their true face in that anonymity. (I am growing really fond of making up my own words, in case that one does not exist. It should, really.) If something is shown, it will be thrown into a drawer and will be cursed for whatever it is believed to be.

It begins when persons see each other. How they look, how they walk, stand or use their gestures. I am not taking in the option of the way they talk, because most of the time that is not even considered. And from what they see, they make up their own opinion. I myself made a little long-time experiment. I changed my look on many occasions to see how others reacted. I was normal, an emo, a goth, a metalhead and at the moment purely awesome. And just from seeing me, people reacted in such a different manner - it is not even funny. They didn't know me, my personality has not changed at all but everyone was distracted by the way I looked. That is just stupid.

The reason to write about this particular topic actually came from something different: The new game DmC Devil may Cry, which completely changes the way the game looked in the previous entrys. That said, it will be released in january 2013, so just next year. And too many people already hate the game for what it looks like, for what it is called. "That's no Devil May Cry! Dante is no freaking emo piece of shit crybaby!" That is the general response, without knowing anything. So stupid.

Whatever. That is it for now. We will be seeing us next month.

Love.

This will be interesting to write about, will it not? To think about such a beatiful topic as that to turn into something that just makes me hate humanity more. Oh well, that is just how things sometimes turn out, right? Here we go:

Love as an emotion is, in my eyes, a really, really strange thing. Choices are made that are most unrational - nobody will probably ever understand them. One just starts to say different words, use other kinds of expression or plain and simply starts to act like a jerk because one does not know how to deal with all the feelings one is overwhelmed with. Still: How can a wonderfull thing such as love be chosen as a reason to hate humanity? This has more to do with myself than other people, so you will learn a little about me as a person! Is that not nice or what?

There are persons in this world which are generally seen as the "buddy type". You can be good pals with someone and you just have a lot of fun together. And with this type of humans there is particular problem, if I am the one who knows such a person: I fall for them. In my opinion, there can not be a better one to love than a person who is kind, knows your fun and you just like to be with in general. Yet, this type is exactly which actually does not see it that way, too.

One of my coworkers is just that kind of species. While we talked for some time we actually came to the topic of friendship and that's when she told me that she usually is considered as the "buddy type" and how that is "exactly what a woman wants to hear". That made me reconsile about her and just what I think of her to be. Well the end of it is that I now am petrified to talk to or do something with her. Sucks, he? But there you have my problem with love - I can not deal with it.

I am the kind of guy who is just too shy to do anything, really. If it goes over a little comment which I do in a bigger group of people, there is no problem with it. But more than that and then even a little conversation? I get so freaking nervous, that I would need to hurt myself to stop from shaking - and I really do not feel like doing that.

So, yeah... My problem with love is more personal than something that fits for every human. However, this just can not be a rant solely about other people, since I hate myself just about the same amount as I hate everybody else. But it also makes me think: Why the hell am I like that? This petrification, why exactly do I have such a big problem talking to the woman I like so much? ... I do not know, really. If I actually continue with this, we will probably see the outcome at one point or another. The way it is now, I'll end it at that note.

Sincerely yours,
Azure

Indecision

Again, it is the 13th of the month and that means: More rant! Yay! Plus, today is friday, so wish me luck for this round of rant, rant, rant and even more rant!

People have trouble deciding what to do. Did you ever notice it? Did you consider noticing it and afterwards just thought: "Damn, I can not decide. Then I'll just leave it be..." Well, that is what I am writing about today. And the reason for that is extremely simple: I hate people just standing there, complaining and thinking about what to do. There is no worth in doing nothing, really.

I will be honest at this point. I had quite a lot of times when I had the exact same thought and just could not decide - which is why I came up the idea of finally making one decision: Do what comes into your mind. No matter what it is, it is still better than just doing nothing. Because if one does anything, there is a chance of success. Otherwise the chance is about 0% and you will never, ever find out what could have happened. Maybe something extremely good, maybe something pretty bad. We will never know.

Now, I do work with my plain and small 20 years. And my superiors are a little... How do I put it... Split, when it comes to how to use someone, who can pretty much do anything and will bring good results. You know, I am very proud to call myself a person like that. I am reliable, fast, accurate and do not bitch about the hard work all the time. Plus: I can critisize and like to be corrected myself, so there is nothing wrong with me being there. The Problem is: Since I can do everything, it is up to them what to let me do. And sometimes, that is just really annoying. Ten minutes there, fifteen somewhere else, maybe an hour later doing something completly different again.

So, you see, Indecision can be bitch - in the private life and at work. Other people often do not like it either, because if it is you who has to make the decision and you take a long as time, they have to wait. Good job!

That is it.
Azure