Montag, 13. August 2012


This will be interesting to write about, will it not? To think about such a beatiful topic as that to turn into something that just makes me hate humanity more. Oh well, that is just how things sometimes turn out, right? Here we go:

Love as an emotion is, in my eyes, a really, really strange thing. Choices are made that are most unrational - nobody will probably ever understand them. One just starts to say different words, use other kinds of expression or plain and simply starts to act like a jerk because one does not know how to deal with all the feelings one is overwhelmed with. Still: How can a wonderfull thing such as love be chosen as a reason to hate humanity? This has more to do with myself than other people, so you will learn a little about me as a person! Is that not nice or what?

There are persons in this world which are generally seen as the "buddy type". You can be good pals with someone and you just have a lot of fun together. And with this type of humans there is particular problem, if I am the one who knows such a person: I fall for them. In my opinion, there can not be a better one to love than a person who is kind, knows your fun and you just like to be with in general. Yet, this type is exactly which actually does not see it that way, too.

One of my coworkers is just that kind of species. While we talked for some time we actually came to the topic of friendship and that's when she told me that she usually is considered as the "buddy type" and how that is "exactly what a woman wants to hear". That made me reconsile about her and just what I think of her to be. Well the end of it is that I now am petrified to talk to or do something with her. Sucks, he? But there you have my problem with love - I can not deal with it.

I am the kind of guy who is just too shy to do anything, really. If it goes over a little comment which I do in a bigger group of people, there is no problem with it. But more than that and then even a little conversation? I get so freaking nervous, that I would need to hurt myself to stop from shaking - and I really do not feel like doing that.

So, yeah... My problem with love is more personal than something that fits for every human. However, this just can not be a rant solely about other people, since I hate myself just about the same amount as I hate everybody else. But it also makes me think: Why the hell am I like that? This petrification, why exactly do I have such a big problem talking to the woman I like so much? ... I do not know, really. If I actually continue with this, we will probably see the outcome at one point or another. The way it is now, I'll end it at that note.

Sincerely yours,